


4AM Knows

by starwarned



Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [5]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Baz being dramatic as always, COC 2020, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2020, Carry On Countdown 2020 (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown Day 5, CoC, DAY 5 - Sleepless, Light Angst, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Sleepless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarned/pseuds/starwarned
Summary: Carry On Countdown Day 5 - Sleepless“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.” - Poppy Z. BriteSimon and Baz comfort each other at night.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026942
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	4AM Knows

**Author's Note:**

> listen. I just wanted some angsty inner-Baz turmoil and also some tenderness between my boys

I turn over and reach my hand out for him. I feel the cool sheets beneath my fingers and the cold air against my bare hand. I open my eyes to search, just in case I’m somehow missing him with my touch.

He’s not there and I know that. 

Simon’s just across the room in the other bed, his soft snores disturbing the curls that hang in his face. I can tell he’s been having a nightmare because of how much sweat shines on his skin. It’s dark in our room - being the middle of the night and all - but I’ve never had an issue with that. I suppose being a vampire helps with my spying on my roommate that I’m deeply and irrevocably in love with. 

He’s still twitching in his sleep (I _love_ when he does that) and I have an intense desire to just cross the room and pull him into my arms. I’ll comfort him. I’ll keep him safe. If he ever wanted me to. 

But, instead, I stay here, wallowing in my own self pity. I doubt that Simon would take kindly to his mortal enemy crawling into bed with him even if I _promise_ that I won’t do anything to hurt him. 

Simon Snow and I have a tense relationship. We always have. But this week has been different. He’s been more tolerant of my lashing out and I haven’t felt the impulse to mock him at every moment. Perhaps I’m just getting weaker. My walls have been eroded down by the winds of how beautiful Simon is and how much I want to kiss him at any given moment. 

Simon’s eyes open sleepily and mine immediately snap shut in response.

_Shit, shit, shit, fuck._

If he saw me staring at him, I’d better start coming up with an excuse quickly. Simon’s thick so I hope he just didn’t catch it. I can hear him sitting up and making a low and sleepy groan under his breath. 

My heart clenches in my chest. I’d like to hear that sound in my dreams for the rest of my life. 

After not hearing anything from him a few moments later, I open my eyes slowly, keeping my body as still as I possibly can. Simon’s sitting up in his bed and his shoulders are shaking softly. He’s crying. 

I’m sure he’s muffling himself because I’m just across the room from him and he doesn’t want to disturb me. Or maybe he doesn’t want me to wake up and ridicule him. Either thought makes my chest feel too tight.

I close my eyes again. It feels wrong to invade his privacy like this. 

I’m on the edge of my bed because I always sleep on the right side of it (even if it’s just barely larger than a twin) out of habit. 

I think I’m hallucinating when the left side of my bed dips. I keep my eyes shut but my breathing speeds up. Simon is sitting on the edge of my bed - he _has_ to be. There’s his unmistakable smell and his heavy breathing (out of his mouth, no less). 

My tongue is too big for my mouth, but he’s lying down next to me, adjusting the covers so they’re only over me. I’m sure he’s lying there in just his pants and the fact that he’s this bloody close to me and I can’t just _reach out and touch him_ is destroying me. 

I don’t know how long he’s going to stay here. 

I try to block out my thoughts - I try and focus only on the scent of him and the feeling of him this close to me. There’s no animosity between us. We’re just two boys - lying in bed together. 

It’s not sexual. It’s not even romantic. It’s just… comforting. 

I hope Simon feels as calm as I do right now. 

I think his breathing has slowed. And whenever he has a nightmare, the scent of his magic is thick and smoky, but that’s started to fade away now. He smells like boy. Like sweat and like whatever concoction he had for dinner.

Sleepiness overtakes my thoughts. I try to hold it at bay, but I’m lulled to sleep by the thought of Simon Snow lying here with me. I don’t snuggle into his warmth or reach out a hand to touch his bare chest or even open my eyes to just catch a glimpse. I respect him and respect why he’s come over here so I allow myself to fall asleep. 

And when I wake up, he’s gone. I didn’t expect him to stay. But I’m grateful that when he crawls into my bed the next night, he reaches out to hold my hand.


End file.
